Open Letter to My High School Class. Especially Paula.

Thank you for this letter. I attended another high school-a girls catholic one and still feel the pain and rejection from even the Nuns, A black girl In Rye, NY does not go over well. I am glad you (and I) made it through to the other side.

Donna,

Enjoyed the piece. I too attended Bryan Adams and spent 5 years in Honors classes. As you, I felt I received an education probably on par with any private school. Still, there was a bit of seclusion from many of the rest of the students in this large school. But it was mainly self imposed and not out of any sense of being any better than other students. Seems like there were about 50-60 of us that mainly attended the same set of classes with a rare elective thrown in and as you say those classes were different, less intense perhaps.

Your writing took me back to those halls that I left so long ago ... and all the traditions, personalities and generally good times that I remember about my time at BA. Sad that your high school days were so personally challenging but happy to see that you eventually found happiness and fulfillment.

BG
Cougar '74

Donna ~

Your writing touched me, as I'm sure it did many. When I was a teenager, I too hated to go home. My father was a violent man, with a history of assault against my mother, all my sibs, and me. This caused such seething anger in me that I also wanted to avoid high school, my only alternative space. Feeling like I belonged nowhere, I drew some solace from the fantasy that I had been adopted. (A common Act of Hope for many of us.)

Fortunately, I had sympathetic friends with loving parents. Also, I was open to Education, as the means to an eventual escape. I was smart enough to elect Therapy for 4 years as a young adult, and I'm glad to say I actually benefitted.

I used to hate my father (who's been dead 10 years, now). When I look back, from today's vantage point, I think he probably did the best he could with what he had, and I feel more at peace with his memory.

I still haven't gone to a high school reunion myself. Not that it was in any way the school's fault. The school actually did me a lot of good. While I no longer have negative feelings about those days, I just lack the positive ones that would otherwise draw me back.

My life is a good deal better now than I had imagined it would be. I've got a great wife, and a satisfying and very lucrative career. And, I'm reminded of the Spanish provberb that likely could apply to you, as well. "Living well is the best revenge."

DEC
Glendale CA

Good for you! I always felt like a square peg in a round hole in high school too. Didn't help that my father was an alcoholic who made our home life an unpredictable living hell. I think I always was afraid that they wouldn't like me if they ever found out about my father. I felt a lot of shame and betrayal around my father and his addiction. Even today my relationship with my siblings remain strained because I have decided to seek professional help to deal with my childhood pain and they have not. It's been a long journey but I am now in a much better place. My relationships are much more fulfilling today. I have dealt with my own personal demons and am happy with my life.

I just love this. Facebook really brings out the crazy defensiveness in some people. Paula should have never attacked you in that forum.

During the time that I was trying to go to high school, i was homeless and working two part-time jobs just to be able to eat. I was eager to learn, but homely, had no clothes to wear, and parents who really wanted nothing to do with me. I feel your pain as I read your column. I have had some good years since, but never achieved any real success at any one thing. I quit school in my Junior year and moved on down the road. After I became a grandma, I did manage to get a GED and get a two year College education at a Community College, which I really enjoyed.
I have made contact through Facebook with another class of "55" person, and we communicate. It has been fun to be able to email with her because she graduated and knows all the news oft those we went to school with so many years ago. My life has been an adventure and I don't regret most of it, but I am a widow and have made many bad choices, partly because I have been afraid, afraid of EVERYTHING all my life. Sometimes it is comforting to know that I am not alone, and I will survive. Thank You Donna for sharing. I would NEVER attend anything at my old high school.

Well written! So many us of lived a "nighmare" at home during our high school years and those around us either didn't care, want to get to know the "real" us, or assumed by our actions of being a good student, respectful, and not being someone who stood out as either a trouble maker or the "Queen of the Prom" that we had our noses in the air. In reality we were just trying to stay sane, safe and make it through the day. In some ways I believe it made me the better person that I am today. I did attend my 20 year reunion and am glad I did. I was shocked at the differnet perceptions from people of me in high school. I know now that I did "outgrow" the pettiness of high school and I have a wonderful life now. In reality, since I survived, I wouldn't change it because it made me the person I am today and I like me!

Donna, thanks for that! I too had a very troubled, cruel home life. Difference was, we did live in poverty. Only my high school was my oasis. I excelled, loved school, and friends. I never really felt I belong, but people always had nice things to say, even to this day. My yearbooks are fill with, "I didn't get to know you very well, but you are a nice girl." I too find facebook refreshing, have gotten to know people who I didn't hang out with, necessarily. I did have drillteam, and feel it saved my life! I guess we both got lucky, I too have a husband, and children to come home to every night who love me and I love them dearly.