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    Brandon Barker B. Brandon Barker's writing has appeared in Global City Review, The Year's Best Fantasy & Horror (St. Martin's Press), Verbicide, The Feed and online at McSweeney's. He's also the author of the novel Operation Emu. A graduate of Sarah Lawrence College, he was born in England, raised in Arkansas and now lives in Virginia.
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    Published: 04/2/09

    Todd Palin Explains the 150K Wardrobe

    By Brandon Barker

    First Dude Todd Palin, in the May issue of Men's Journal, claims that the six-figure sum spent on Gov. Sarah Palin's wardrobe, makeup and winking workshops during the 2008 campaign was "out of our control" since (a) the former vice presidential candidate was absorbed in preparations for her debate against Vice President Joseph Biden and (b) he was busy buddying around with the Secret Service--who totally love him, by the way."You come into a campaign late, you put all your trust into the team, you got people who are working on VP ops for a long time, and we're just focused on debate prep," Mr. ...

     255 
    Published: 03/16/09

    Ron Silver, Actor & 9/11 Republican, Dies

    By Brandon Barker

    On Sunday, Ron Silver--the actor best known for his portrayal of Alan Dershowitz in the 1990 film Reversal of Fortune and a recurring role on The West Wing--passed away after a two-year battle with esophageal cancer. He was 62.Not only an actor, Mr. Silver was a staunch Democrat (as evidenced by his political contributions) who surprised many by switching parties after the World Trade Center Attacks, calling himself a "9/11 Rebublican." Speaking at the 2004 Republican National Convention, he said, "Under the unwavering leadership of President Bush, the cause of freedom and democracy is being ...

    Published: 02/24/09

    Clooney Meets With Obama on Darfur

    By Brandon Barker

    How can you tell the Democrats are back in office? George Clooney is influencing major policy decisions.Monday night, the Academy Award-winning actor, director and producer known for his unprecedented two terms as People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive," emerged from the Oval Office and announced that President Obama had agreed to "appoint a full-time, high-level envoy" to war-ravaged Darfur. According to Politico, Clooney told reporters. "This would be a huge policy step."Mr. Clooney, who has traveled frequently to the region, is known for being a strong advocate of peace in Darfur, both ...

     34 
    Published: 02/12/09

    Blagojevich Calls Foes Drunks, Adulterers

    By Brandon Barker

    In the weeks leading up to his impeachment, Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich pulled every trick in the book--minus the white Bronco highway chase--to stave off the inevitable seize and capture. Even though he's been effectively removed from office, the former Nixon groupie may still have a few more cards to play.Like dishing the dirt on his lying, two-timing, booze hound colleagues. According to MSNBC, Mr. Blagojevich is ready to expose the "the phoniness and hypocrisy" of Illinois politics. That shouldn't be too hard."I've got my crayons ready, I'm ready to write it. I'd like to tell those ...

    Published: 01/28/09

    Palin's Autographed Pumps Net Two Grand

    By Brandon Barker

    Like the little vignettes that appear at the end of movie credits, the family of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin finds new and exciting ways to make Election 2008 keep on giving. What could it possibly involve now?Try a pair of red, Naughty Monkey Double-Dare pumps.According to Alaska's KTUU.com, an individual claiming to be Sarah Palin's niece posted a pair of red (I'm repeating myself) Naughty Monkey Double-Dare pumps (because it sounds so great) on eBay and wound up pocketing $2,025. The shoes normally sell for around $100. I don't know about you, but that sounds to me like one heckuva naughty ...

     23 
    Published: 01/15/09

    Michael Moore Angers War Photographer

    By Brandon Barker

    The New York Post's Page Six is claiming that Michael Yon, a former Special Forces fighter, is planning to sue Academy Award-winning filmmaker Michael Moore for misuse of his photo showing a bloody Iraqi child carried by an American soldier.According to the report, Mr. Yon, now known for his pro-soldier blog reports from wartime Iraq and Afghanistan, takes great pains to ensure the integrity of his images and "goes out of his way to make sure they aren't used for demagogic diatribes." Mr. Moore's Web site, which also goes by the name Demagogic Diatribes "R" Us, used the dramatic image in a ...

     20 
    Published: 01/5/09

    White House May Soon Welcome Puppies

    By Brandon Barker

    Forget the high-level corruption claims against Gov. Bill Richardson, forget the impending disaster of former Illinois Atty. Gen. Roland Burris' arrival in the Senate this week. We now have at hand a serious news story involving dogs.A passionate national contingent is on the certifiable edge of its seat awaiting details of the dog Barack Obama promised his daughters prior to the election. Will the President-elect, like running mate Joe Biden, infuriate animal welfare groups by purchasing a purebred puppy from a breeder? Or will he deliver on his vow to adopt a "mutt like me" by procuring the ...

    Published: 12/29/08

    Baby Presents Piling Up for Palin

    By Brandon Barker

    The life of Sarah Palin, the former beauty queen who found a niche in the wild and woolly world of Alaska politics, has undoubtedly been transformed by her brief stint as a Vice Presidential candidate, fielding such good fortune as 20-percent raises and shining-star accolades from the GOP. And now, this streak of good fortune is extending to her grandchildren. According to Australia's Strollerbaby, the offspring of Bristol Palin (pictured) and hockey stud Levi Johnston has already received a number gifts from well-wishers around the world. In fact, Sarah Palin's father, Chuck Heath, says that ...

     382 
    Published: 12/17/08

    Worst Senate Subcommittee of the Year

    By Brandon Barker

    In a year that saw several major lapses in Merchant Marine protocol & oversight, inter-coastal freight movement efficiency and cruise ship safety, I nominate the U.S. Senate Subcommittee on Surface Transportation and Merchant Marine Infrastructure Safety and Security as the Worst Senate Subcommittee of 2008.It was not an easy decision. Considering the despicable Subcommittee on Higher Education Lifelong Learning and Competitiveness, the underachieving Subcommittee on Rural Revitalization Conservation Forestry and Credit and the perennially lame House Roles and Missions Panel, I certainly had ...

    Published: 12/12/08

    Bailout Failure Paves Way for National Self-Reliance

    By Brandon Barker

    Late Thursday night, Senate Republicans rejected the proposed $14 billion rescue plan endorsed by House Democrats and the White House, causing certain global financial turmoil and leading many of us to wonder, do I really need that Netflix subscription?"It's over with," Senate majority leader Harry Reid said. "This is going to be a very, very bad Christmas for a lot of people as a result of what takes place here tonight." However, Republican leader Sen. Mitch McConnell, who blocked the deal, has a point: "None of us want to see them go down, but very few of us had anything to do with the ...

     13 

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