Politics Daily

Damon Weaver, 11-Year-Old Reporter, Grills President Obama

David Knowles — 2009-08-14T09:40:00+00:00

Filed under: Democrats, Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Media, Viral Video, Education, Inauguration

Consider the brief journalistic career of Damon Weaver, a fifth-grader at Florida's Kathryn E. Cunningham Canal Point Elementary. Since joining his school's television station (KEC TV), he has covered the presidential election of '08 (eventually landing an interview with Joe Biden), attended the inauguration, and then gone on to snag airtime with the likes of Oprah Winfrey, Colin Powell, Paula Abdul, Norah O'Donnell, David Gregory, Caroline Kennedy, Meghan Kelly, Dwayne Wade, L.L. Cool J, Jordan Sparks and Major Garrett. His high-profile interviews have been so noteworthy that Weaver himself has become something of a "get" for other reporters and news outlets. To date, he has been interviewed on "Fox & Friends," "Larry King Live," NPR, CNN's "American Morning" and MSNBC, as well as a host of local stations.

But yesterday, Weaver landed the holy grail of interviews: The president of the United States. For just over 10 minutes, the young reporter peppered the commander-in-chief with questions about how we can improve our public schools. Watch:

So, how did Weaver do, and what was your favorite part of the interview? And was the president smarter than this 5th-grader?

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Sarah Palin 2013: A Look Ahead

Bob Franken — 2009-07-22T08:48:00+00:00

Filed under: George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Debates, Primaries, Veepstakes, Voting, Predictions, Obama Administration, Inauguration, 2012 President

It is noon, Jan. 20, 2013. Sarah Palin raises her right hand to be sworn in as the 45th president of the United States.

Palin had won a decisive victory over the incumbent, Barack Obama. The country was still trapped in economic rubble, and voters had tired of Obama's campaign slogan, "I Inherited This."

The experts debated whether this was a recession with 10 percent unemployment or a depression with 100 percent malaise.

By far the largest voting bloc in the United States turned against Obama -- those who had no health insurance, which was everyone but government workers. The rich paid for their medical care at hospitals within their barricaded communities.

Reform efforts had collapsed when Republicans successfully used the "socialism" label to tarnish any proposed changes.

On the other side, Democrats couldn't agree on anything. Every attempt to reach political compromise had been poisoned by the ideological-purity demands from those on the left.

After years as co-host of "The Jerry Springer Show," Sarah Palin had returned to the fray and run an unstoppable campaign. She had assembled a brilliant staff. The only requirement was that no one could have ever worked for John McCain.

In the primaries she swept aside Mitt Romney and Bobby Jindal. It was really no contest: Both opponents literally put nationwide audiences to sleep even before debate anchors-commentators got to the YouTube questions.

Palin convinced Newt Gingrich to join her on the ticket as vice president by promising he'd really be in charge of the administration -- similar to the arrangement between Dick Cheney and George W. Bush.

Gingrich had filled a key role in the campaign, holding together the all-important bigot base by repeatedly calling Obama a racist.

He would be joined in the White House hierarchy by the new president's husband, Todd, who would continue his traditional role of chief of staff, a job he'd gotten by sleeping with the boss (Sarah, not Newt).

As president-elect, Palin had already named her attorney general, lawyer and Fox News host Greta Van Susteren, a reward for years of unwavering support. Van Susteren immediately announced a task force to find missing blondes. It would be chaired by Nancy Grace.

Van Susteren's husband, John Coale, would continue to operate the Palin Legal Defense Fund which, by now, was valued in the billions as new ethics charges piled up, along with billable hours.

Press Secretary Sean Hannity announced that following the inauguration, the new president would go fishing for salmon. In the Potomac. Then she would call the Russian leader, Vladimir Putin, her old neighbor.

But first, the swearing in. This time Chief Justice Roberts was flawless, putting all the words in their proper order as he administered the oath.

In tent cities around the nation, Americans gathered to watch on giant TV screens brought in because their sets had been repossessed. The United States celebrated its first female president.

In her inaugural address, President Palin insisted that the chief executive should represent not just the women of the nation but "all those guys out there who think I'm hot."

With that, she resigned.

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Rick Warren, Caught in a Lie, Skips This Week

Tommy Christopher — 2009-04-12T16:21:00+00:00

Filed under: Democrats, Barack Obama, Gay Rights, Obama Administration, Inauguration

Pastor Rick Warren, controversial inaugural invoker, was set to appear this morning on ABC's "This Week with George Stephanopoulos." According to Politico, he bailed at the last second:

Pastor Rick Warren, after making apparently contradictory statements about his stance on a gay-marriage measure, canceled an Easter Sunday appearance on ABC's "This Week" just "moments before the scheduled interview," host George Stephanopoulos told viewers.

Stephanopoulos said Warren's representatives said the best-selling evangelical author was "sick with exhaustion." The host told viewers that he wished the pastor a speedy recovery.

Warren's appearance would have given him the chance to clear up his claim last week on CNN's "Larry King Live" that he "never once ... gave an endorsement" to California's Proposition 8, a successful November ballot measure that banned gay marriage in the nation's largest state.

Maybe he's sick with guilt over his lie, or exhausted from holding gay people back, because Warren certainly did endorse Proposition 8.

Still, if Warren is on board now,would it be the worst thing in the world to let Warren off the hook here?

Rick Warren was a big booster for Prop 8 when it still mattered, when people were still voting on it. Now that the tide has turned, and gay lightning is striking everywhere, it's not too late for Warren to decide to do the right thing. But he doesn't get to pretend he was all along.

Tommy on: Daily Dose:

President Obama Shows Best Defense Against Pirates: Dead Pirates

Stupid Effing AP Part Q...Who Can Keep Track?

Palin Compromises on Abortion, Stimulus, but Never Levi

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'Purple Tunnel of Doom' Report Released

Tommy Christopher — 2009-03-24T14:48:00+00:00

Filed under: Democrats, Barack Obama, Obama Administration, Inauguration

On the heels of the "Purple Tunnel of Doom" fiasco, which ensnared our own Dylan and Ethan Ris, along with other issues with the inauguration, Senator Dianne Feinstein called for an investigation. The results of that investigation have now been released. From CQ Politics:

The report, conducted by a Secret Service-led, multi-agency law enforcement team, makes dozens of recommendations for improving crowd control and access to inaugural ceremonies in 2013 and beyond. The report does point out that "there was not one major security incident, arrest or injury" reported at the event, which drew an unprecedented 1.8 million people to the nation's capital.

A nine-page executive summary released Monday details how crowd management difficulties, unanticipated demands on security screeners, a lack of signs indicating that the Third Street tunnel was reserved for emergency vehicles and inadequate coordination among various law enforcement agencies all contributed to problems at the event.

They could have gotten most of this info for free from The Political Machine. The Political Machine covered that story from 3 different angles in stories by The Ris Brothers, Caleb, and myself. The only problem with this summation is the idea that this was "unanticipated." Initial estimates for the expected crowd were around 4 million:

"We have seen nothing" to suggest that many people will come to DC, said Secret Service Special Agent Malcolm Wiley. He said that authorities have looked at schedules for busses and planes and hotel rooms and haven't seen travel plans for that many people. But, he said, "we have a responsibility to plan for that. We will be prepared."

The lion's share of the problems were caused by the utter unpreparedness and apathy of the City of Washington, DC. Once inside the gates, I had no problems. There were plenty of security screeners, lots of bathrooms, the crowd was fine. But the zone around the inauguration was a chaotic mess, and nobody knew anything.

I hope those shut out at least enjoy their consolation tchotchkes, because this report is a bunch of BS.

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Etta James Lashes Out at Obama, Beyonce

Dylan and Ethan Ris — 2009-02-06T17:29:00+00:00

Filed under: Barack Obama, John McCain, Inauguration

As we reported last month, pop superstar Beyoncé Knowles was tapped to serenade Barack and Michelle Obama for their first dance as President and First Lady. Her choice of song? The Etta James standard "At Last."

Well, apparently no one ever checked in with Etta James on that one, because at a recent concert, she ripped into both Obama and Beyoncé ...

"You guys know your president right? You know the one with the big ears. Yeah, wait a minute, he ain't my president, he might be yours. I tell you that woman he had singing for him, singing my song, she gonna get her ass whipped. The great Beyonce! Now like I said, she ain't mine. I can't stand Beyonce! She had no business up there singing. Singing on a big ole, big ole president day and going be singing my song that I've been singing forever."

Presumably, James was miffed that she hadn't been asked to sing at the Inaugural Ball. But still, to declare that Obama isn't her president and threatening to "whip" the ass of the woman who portrayed her in the movie "Cadillac Records" is pretty harsh.

James later claimed that she was joking. But just for the record, although the song is pretty closely identified with James, she doesn't exactly own the rights to it. In fact, it was written in 1941, when James was three years old, by Mack Gordon and Harry Warren.

Conclusion: If there was any justice in this world, neither Etta nor Beyoncé, but rather Gordon and Warren would have been the ones crooning on inauguration night. (And if John McCain had won, they probably would have.)

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Clarence Thomas Slept Through Obama's Inaugural Address

Dylan and Ethan Ris — 2009-02-01T10:16:00+00:00

Filed under: George W. Bush, Barack Obama, Supreme Court, Inauguration

In a post-Patriot Act world, you can't get away with anything.

Although it probably wouldn't take government-sanctioned domestic spying to catch a guy sleeping on the balcony of the Capitol in the middle of a presidential inauguration.

Doubly true if the guy happens to be a Supreme Court Justice.

Yes, folks. That is definitely Clarence Thomas, Associate Justice of the United States, sleeping through Barack Obama's inaugural address. Even his pal Antonin Scalia had the decency to frown through the speech with his eyes open.

These shots are excerpted from a remarkable 1474-megapixel composite photograph by David Bergman, who was covering his first inauguration as a photojournalist. Check out his site and zoom in wherever you like. Maybe you'll catch Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN) picking his nose. Or perhaps you'll spot Joe Lieberman French-kissing George W. Bush. (Actually you don't need inauguration photos for that.)

Or maybe you can pan all the way down and to the right, zoom in until you bore through the ground, and catch a glimpse of your faithful bloggers and 10,000 of our closest friends in the Third Street tunnel.

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Did You Cry During the Inauguration?

Dave — 2009-01-29T19:20:00+00:00

Filed under: 2008 President, Inauguration

This Fox Poll says that if you did, you are likely to be a Democrat, a woman, or black. And if by chance you were all three, then hopefully there was a tissue box nearby!

FOXNews.com

More than one of four voters -- 28 percent -- got teary-eyed or cried during the ceremony. Those most likely to say they cried include Democrats (38 percent), women (36 percent) and blacks (58 percent).

And while most Americans (69 percent) think race relations will get better in the United States with the election of Obama as president, most also agree his election does not symbolize the end of racial barriers in the country (68 percent).

The last paragraph mystifies me, there was no Wilder effect and it can easily be pointed out that Obama's race was a benefit, not a hindrance, but whatever... back to the crying.

This is going out to the stone-hearted among us who rolled their eyes during the inauguration. You know who you are:

White Republican Males, that's who!

Other notables: Approval of congress has ticked up, which should not be surprising as both sides have gotten much more partisan.

And 44 percent disapprove of Geithner to 35 percent approve. With the economy, this is likely to be the high point for Geithner, who is going to hang on Obama like an anchor. The GOP should send him a thank you for pushing it through.

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Drunk Obama Fans Gone Wild

Michael Kraskin — 2009-01-28T14:53:00+00:00

Filed under: Viral Video, Inauguration

Our friends over at howobamagotelected.com, posit that Barack Obama was elected largely due to poor and possibly biased media coverage. However, they might have underestimated the power of alcohol in the equation...

Enjoy this video from Asylum, where you can find lots more pictures and videos of young drunk co-ed types.

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Jessica Alba Strikes Back at O'Reilly, TMZ, Sweden

Tommy Christopher — 2009-01-27T20:05:00+00:00

Filed under: Democrats, Republicans, Barack Obama, Humor, Media, Inauguration

Today, actress Jessica Alba fired back at Bill O'Reilly and gossip hub TMZ, both of whom had recently questioned Alba's intelligence.

First, there was O'Reilly's condescending suggestion that she watch "The Factor" so she can rattle off examples of why he's an "A-hole."

Then, TMZ got in on the act, trashing Alba for invoking Sweden as a symbol of neutrality. Here's Jessica's response:

I find it depressing that in the midst of perhaps the most salient time in our country's history, individuals are taking it upon themselves to encourage negativity and stupidity. Last week, Mr. Bill O'Reilly and some really classy sites (i.e.TMZ) insinuated I was dumb by claiming Sweden was a neutral country. I appreciate the fact that he is a news anchor and that gossip sites are inundated with intelligent reporting, but seriously people...it's so sad to me that you think the only neutral country during WWII was Switzerland. Check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweden_during_World_War_II if you want to see what I was referring to.

I appreciate the name calling and the accurate reporting. Keep it up!!

TMZ apologized, but I think they were being sarcastic.

TMZ is now dead to me. I already couldn't stand Bill O'Reilly, but TMZ had a fighting chance. No more. Billo, and everybody else, if Jessica Alba says Sweden is neutral, but they actually aren't, it's because Sweden f**ked up. I don't want to hear anything else about this, capiche?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to finish my ham and Swede sandwich in peace and quiet.

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Campaign Comic Book Hits Shelves (Sorry, 'Graphic Diary')

Tommy Christopher — 2009-01-27T16:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Democrats, Republicans, Barack Obama, John McCain, 2008 President, Humor, Inauguration

Just in time for, um, President's Day, Valentine's Day, and a mess of random birthdays, here's "08: A Graphic Diary of the Campaign Trail." From Comic Book Resources: (are there any resources more precious?)

New Republic journalist Michael Crowley and artist Dan Goldman, whose most recent book was the hyper-political thriller "Shooting War," have been chronicling the campaign in preparation for an original graphic novel titled "08: A Graphic Diary of the Campaign Trail," reporting each development as it happened, regardless of how the race would ultimately play out.

This might sound less like "Watchmen," and more like "Watch Paint Dry," but never underestimate the power of speech bubbles and comic art to influence young minds. When I was a little kid, I would devour anything that remotely resembled a comic book, even those uber-creepy religious tracts from Chick Publications. Although they didn't keep me from a life of heathen debauchery, I never forgot them.

Still, I'm not sure how a graphic re-telling of the campaign will do against the likes of Obama Meets Spiderman. Why do they call him "The Amazing Spiderman," anyway? Are there a bunch of other spidermen who just work at the Gap and live in their parents' basements?

I did have to do a double-take at this shot from a sample page:

I was, in fact, a little bit queasy that night, but this panel refers to Obama staffer Tommy Vietor.

Maybe these guys should get together with this guy, and do something a little more exciting.

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Minus Cheney, VP Mansion Is Again Visible on Google Maps

Dylan and Ethan Ris — 2009-01-27T13:39:00+00:00

Filed under: Dick Cheney, Joe Biden, Humor, Inauguration

If you ever swung by our internet neighbor Google Maps during the Bush/Cheney administration, you might have noticed a pixilated void at the corner of Massachusetts Avenue and Observatory Circle in Northwest Washington.

That void just so happened to be the vice president's mansion, and whether it was blurred out by executive order or a cloud of noxious methane, you simply couldn't see it. Even the White House was more clearly visible.

Well that has just changed...

Once obscured by pixilation, Google Earth's aerial image of the vice presidential residence on the grounds of the U.S. Naval Observatory in Washington is now nearly as clear as its view of the White House.

Not surprisingly, the Google people are claiming that this has nothing to do with Biden vs. Cheney.

"Google Earth and Google Maps are regularly updated as new imagery becomes available," a spokeswoman for Google Inc. said Monday. "Our most recent update, which went live last week, included updated imagery of the Washington, D.C., area from several providers."

Translation: Of course Cheney ordered us to blur out his home, but we've been told to deny it lest we want to wake up in Guantanamo Bay next to Natalie Maines, our heads all strapped to Haliburton-brand waterboards.

But now the veil of pixels has been lifted, affording Americans - via the marvels of technology - an actual view of Joe Biden's comb-over from outer space.

In other news, starting last Tuesday, users of Google Maps reported their view of a black castle on the banks of a central Wyoming oil well had become obscured by pixilation.

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NY Baker: 'Drunken Negro Face' Cookies an 'Expression of Freedom'

Tommy Christopher — 2009-01-26T10:20:00+00:00

Filed under: Republicans, Barack Obama, Race, Inauguration

A baker in Greenwich Village, NY, made it onto local reporter and "Shame on You!" finger-wagger Arnold Diaz's radar by cooking up a chocolaty batch of racialism:(h/t Tasty Booze)

I really hate it when hate-mongers try to pretend they're not, and when other idiots believe them. Just like Rush Limbaugh, this guy is absolutely right that this is a free country, and they're both free to make whatever "negro" paraphernalia they want. They're even free to be dickless, ball-less cowards who will hide their contempt behind that banner of freedom.

But then, the rest of us are just as free to call them on it, to rip away that fig leaf and reveal the jagged scab beneath it. To that end, I think Rush Limbaugh deserves to have a baker's dozen of these treats sent to him, to remind him what his "satire" is giving cover to. I'm not sure if Lafayette French Pastry delivers to Rush's part of the City, but I'll ask real nice.

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Page Six 'Reports' Mariah Carey Inaugural Hissy Fit

Tommy Christopher — 2009-01-26T00:02:00+00:00

Filed under: Democrats, Barack Obama, Media, Inauguration

The internet is abuzz with stories about how Mariah Carey bailed on the inauguration when she found out she couldn't be onstage with Barack Obama, but rather had to sit with the other celebrities. Problem is, they all reference the same source: The NY Post's Page Six.

SOME divas cling to their high-maintenance ways even at moments of historic national import. Mariah Carey, who performed at the Neighborhood Ball for President and Michelle Obama, was "furious" when she found out where she'd be seated for the inauguration.

A spy said, "Mariah was in the VIP area, where every celebrity, like Jon Bon Jovi, Mary J. Blige, Alicia Keys and Bruce Springsteen, was seated. But somehow she thought she'd be up with the Obama family. When she realized she wasn't, she bailed." Meanwhile, Carey ex Sean Combs is said to be upset that he wasn't invited to perform at official events and disappointed that Jay-Z had a bigger presence. A rep for Carey declined to comment. Combs' rep said, "It was one of the greatest moments of his life. Sean was invited to the inauguration and was seated third row, with Jay-Z, at the ceremony."

This is the same NY Post that had the class to say that legally blind NY Governor David Paterson was in a "Blind Rage" over a Saturday Night Live sketch, and which just finished drying the ink on a retraction of its smear of Michelle Obama.

So why bother writing about it? As a New Jersey resident, over the years, I've run into a lot of people who have met Mariah, and they generally paint her as sweet and down-to-earth. Much like Gamera, Carey is known, in these parts, to be a friend to children. If she squeezes perks out of those whom she benefits, more's the better. Plus, although I'm not a huge fan, she actually has talent, and is hotter than lava in August.

Hence, I want her to get a fair shake. So, don't believe this hype. Instead, check this out. That's change we can believe in.

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Inauguration-Day Train Victim is OK!

Tommy Christopher — 2009-01-25T15:48:00+00:00

Filed under: Democrats, Barack Obama, Inauguration

Here's a happy ending from Inauguration Day.

One of the reasons my buddy, Caleb Howe, was unable to join me in the Blue Standing section for the inauguration ceremony is that the DC Metro train that he rode into town was delayed by what the announcer said was "a person (who) was struck by a train."

Caleb had the presence of mind to get off the train just before that announcement, but had to walk from Upper Timbuktu at that point.

With the exhausting fast pace of the week's events, we never got the chance to find out what happened. After seeing the dangerous crowd conditions at L'Enfant Plaza, I was certain the person must have been knocked onto the tracks by the rushing throngs.

That would have made a good, poignant story, but I like the real deal even better:

A 68-year- old woman who fell onto subway tracks in Washington on Tuesday narrowly escaped an oncoming train by squeezing into a small space underneath a platform, authorities said.

As a train was fast approaching, the woman was trying to get a lift onto the platform, but there wasn't enough time. So Houston Police Officer Eliot Swainson, who was in town to help out with the record crowds during the inauguration, told the woman to squeeze into the space under the Metrorail platform.

So, how did the unidentified woman end up on the tracks?

The woman, who was not identified by authorities, had turned to look for a friend and took a slight step backward. She lost her balance and fell onto the tracks, Swainson said.

OK, not as dramatic as what I had envisioned, but I'm sure the crowded conditions contributed to her being so close to the edge of the platform.

Anyway, after so many tales of disappointment, it was gratifying to hear that this turned out well.

Hopefully, the lack of a tragedy here doesn't prevent DC from taking better crowd-control measures in the future.

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Inaugural Purple Tunnel Gets Ode, Investigation

Tommy Christopher — 2009-01-25T15:19:00+00:00

Filed under: Democrats, Barack Obama, Inauguration

Any regular (or irregular, but get some Activia) readers of these pages know very well that the Purple Tunnel is the place where our own Ris brothers, along with thousands of their closest friends, got stuck during the inauguration of President Barack Obama.

The people in that tunnel held tickets to the inauguration, good tickets, but all they were fated to see that day were the backs of each others' heads.

Most of them used public transportation, and showed up hours early. Thousands of ticketholders from other sections also failed to get in, but I guess the Purplers have that whole tunnel mystique going for them.

Now, Maryland Congressman Chris Van Hollen is joining Senator Dianne Feinstein in calling for an investigation into what went wrong. From MSNBC:

I am writing to express my deep concern over the fact that thousands of people who had tickets were denied access to the historic swearing-in ceremony for President Barack Obama, and applaud you for initiating a thorough investigation into how this happened. I strongly endorse this review and look forward to learning what went wrong so we can avoid such problems in the future.

The Purplers have their own Facebook group, and now have a song burning up the YouTube charts:

As someone who managed to jump the Blue line at the last second, I suppose I should feel some sort of "survivor's guilt," especially since I'm a liberal. Even worse is the fact that I spent the day holding an extra, useless ticket (thanks to Caleb Howe).

What happened to all of the ticketholders who didn't get in, and all of the people on the Mall who had no TV or speakers to see the ceremony, is a disgrace.

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The Barack Obama Inaugural UFO: Top 5 Things It Might Be

Tommy Christopher and Caleb Howe — 2009-01-24T14:05:00+00:00

Filed under: Hillary Clinton, Democrats, Barack Obama, Featured Stories, Bill Richardson, Dennis Kucinich, Humor, Inauguration

I was at the inauguration on Tuesday, and I can tell you that it was a lot like "The Day the Earth Stood Still." In this case, "Gort" was being played by our outgoing prez, and while Chief Justice John Roberts didn't utter the phrase "Klaato Barada Nikto," he might as well have.

So it comes as no surprise to me that a UFO managed to make it onto the scene. Here's the video: (h/t Hot Air)

You laugh, but this story is being carried by Fox News. OK, you can keep laughing. Still, according to this UFO website, UFOs at Obama events are nothing new.

I'm usually skeptical about this kind of thing, but the evidence here is so compelling, I feel the need to provide analysis of the phenomenon. Hence, based on complex computer stimulations and algoreismic supermodels, here are the five likeliest identities of said object: (h/t Diana #5 and #1, h/t Caleb for pix)

#5 - Ultra-Fast Ron Paul Blimp - Those guys just don't give up.

#4 - Dennis Kucinich - I know, this seems obvious, but remember Occam's Razor. When you hear hoofbeats, look for horses, not zebras.

Update: Breaking News! Using ultra-hi-resolution imaginery, we have confirmed the identity of the flying object. Click through to see the rest.

#3 - One of These - The commemorative plate is another obvious guess, but remember, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

#2 - Port-O-Potty Creature - With all of those cans, and all of that co-mingling bio-waste, it's a good bet that something evolved out of there. If so, it was probably making a beeline to get CPAC tickets.

#1 - Hillary Was Right - A spacebus full of celestial choirs!

Breaking News! Using ultra-hi-resolution imaginery, we have confirmed the identity of the flying object. Unable, now, to get tickets from either Obama or the Clintons, this was his only choice:

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As Washington Parties, Obama Saves America

Ken Layne — 2009-01-23T23:31:00+00:00

Filed under: Democrats, Barack Obama, 2008 President, Ken Layne's Outrage, Obama Administration, Inauguration

Such a busy week of drinking champagne and wearing tuxedos, in our nation's finest city -- the actual capital of the whole country, in fact! There might be a Depression in the old, bitter America, but Washington has been a non-stop fancy-dress cocktail party for the rich and the semi-rich, and it was awesome.

Remember when everybody used to act like they hated Washington? "Wah wah, Washington lobbyists hurt my butt, wah, taxes, Clinton," etc.? Those days are sure over, forever! Just as Middle America went from absolute loathing of New York to an infantile weeping flag-draped teddy bear hug for New York after 9/11, the whole United States now 100% loves and admires our beautiful outdoor museum of Democracy, so carefully planned by the actual Father of Our Country.

But instead of plane-flying terrorists changing peoples' attitudes about Manhattan, we have train-riding patriots making proud citizens feel a new, overwhelming love for D.C. After a dramatic railway journey from Philadelphia, Barack Obama and his team of superheroes arrived in Washington, led a fantastic weeklong party, and then quickly went to work saving not only America, but the world.

Like most everyone in D.C., I haven't exactly been following the news since Tuesday. When you're having sushi and champagne for breakfast, with Beyonce, you're not really going to be checking up on Wolf Blitzer or Andrew Sullivan or whatever. But as this citywide orgy of style and hope rolls into the weekend, it's wise to take a moment and check up on President Obama's progress. Who knows, he may have put Americans on Mars by now!

What have you done for us, Barack Obama?

* "President Barack Obama on Friday lifted restrictions on U.S. government funding for groups that provide abortion services or counseling abroad." He saved an entire industry!

* In a friendly conversation with No. 2 House Republican Eric Cantor, about the Republicans not wanting to help poor people, Obama said, "We just have a difference here, and I'm president." And Cantor laughed! Obama brought back bipartisanship!

* With the stroke of his pen, our new president ordered the closing of the Guantanamo Bay torture prison in Cuba. He brought freedom to Cuba!

* In his famous inaugural speech, President Obama bravely restored the legacy of our Founding Father "nonbelievers," finally bringing peace and dignity to George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Quincy Adams and so many other American giants who frowned upon religious superstitions.

* Barack Obama visited the White House reporters, and made them all understand the power of sexual love, except for this one jerk from the Politico.

Thank you, Mr. President! Next week will be better still!

Ken Layne is general counsel for the Institute of Wealth Studies, and hosts the literary salon Wonkette from his Georgetown parlor.

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Did Clarence Thomas Sleep Through the Inauguration?

Michael Kraskin — 2009-01-23T15:13:00+00:00

Filed under: Supreme Court, Inauguration

Thanks to Cube for pointing this out. In this amazingly cool interactive photo by David Bergman, you can zoom in on just about anyone who was remotely close to Obama during the inauguration...

And unfortunately for him, that includes Justice Clarence Thomas who appears to be sleeping, though in all fairness it could just be an unfortunate blink.

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Largest Picture Of the Obama Inauguration

Michael Kraskin — 2009-01-23T11:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Inauguration

This is very cool. It's a 1,474 megapixel image made up 220 individual images made by artist David Bergman. You can zoom in on just about any face in the crowd, even the ones in the way back.

Can you find yourself in the crowd?

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Top 5 Ways Obama and Roberts Will Screw Up 3rd Swearing-In

Tommy Christopher — 2009-01-22T11:44:00+00:00

Filed under: Democrats, Barack Obama, Supreme Court, Obama Administration, Inauguration

As everyone in the world now knows, the first time Barack Obama and Chief Justice John Roberts tried to swear Obama in, they made a royal (or presidential?) mess of things. They blew it so badly, Fox News' Chris Wallace could not bring himself to recognize the legitimacy of Obama's presidency.

Not wanting to face overthrow by Wallace and a squad of Bill O'Reilly's interns, Obama and Roberts took a second run at the oath last night. Everything went swimmingly, as Obama was sworn in using...what, a TV Guide that Bush left lying around? Whatever it was, or wasn't, it was not a Bible. There's no way that passes the Wallace test.

My faith in Roberts and Obama is badly shaken, but I want to help. To that end, here are 5 ways they can screw up their eventual 3rd try. Hopefully, they can use it as a guide, either for what not to do, or to at least screw it up funny.

Top 5 Ways Obama and Roberts Will Screw Up 3rd Swearing-In

#5 - Roberts: "Do you, Barack Hussein Obama, take me to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Obama: "I do."

#4 - Instead of a Bible, Roberts brings along "The Office's" Dwight Shrute. He tells perplexed onlookers "What? I'm administering the Oaf of Office."

#3 - Roberts: "Who's on First?"

Obama: "That's right."

Roberts: "What's right?"

Obama: "Oh, I see your confusion. The player's names are also interrogative pronouns."

#2 - They use a Bible, but it's the New International Version. Why not just use a Playboy magazine, you blasphemers?

#1 - Instead of swearing in, they just start to swear. Actually, we at Political Machine have put together a simulation of this one:

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